Don't Let Go
by sockospice
Summary: Jeff Hardy is in an accident. How will the ones closest to him cope? The very first slash fic I ever wrote, way back when. Angst galore, and sappy romance.


Title: Don't Let Go  
Rating: PG Slash  
Content: Angst, sap  
Disclaimer: I do not own the wrestlers mentioned herein and do not make any implications about his sexuality.  
Summary: Jeff was in an accident. How do the ones close to him cope? Set about 4 years ago, when wwe was wwf  
Author's notes: Teh wangst, it burns!!! Seriously though, this is the first slash fic I ever wrote, a whole, what, four years ago now. I don't know why I'm posting it here, probably because I cn't be arsed to write something new. Although I am tempted by a lita miscarriage fic, just because no one else has written one /sarcasm Anyway, on with the wangst!

He was in a coma, they said. It had been a massive bump that had gone horribly wrong. He'd landed wrong, on his head. No one knew whether he was gonna pull through. Chris cast his mind back to that morning, when he'd held Jeff in his arms and the younger Hardy had, for the first time, told the man known as Chris Jericho that he loved him. And now his darling little Jeffie was lying close to death in a hospital bed.

No one knew they were dating. Not even Matt. Poor distraught Matt who had clutched his brother's hand as he was loaded into the ambulance. Who was probably at his bedside right now, sobbing his heart out in fear that he might lose the only family he had left. Their mother had died when Jeff was ten and Matt thirteen, and their father didn't speak to them any more. Jeff had always blamed himself for that. His father had refused to accept that Jeff was gay, and when Matt had supported his brother, their father had disowned both of them. Consequently, Jeff had tried to hide his sexuality. Tried to ignore it. Then, when he'd met Chris, he'd hidden his relationship from Matt, scared that somehow his beloved brother would be hurt again.

Chris wanted to be at the hospital. He wanted to hold Matt in his arms and tell him that everything was gonna be OK. He wanted to hold Jeff's hand and tell him what he couldn't say that morning. He wanted to tell Jeff exactly how much he loved him. How much he needed him. He wanted to know that his little Jeffie was going to be OK. He wanted to... god he just wanted to be there.

But he couldn't. Jeff was insistent about keeping the relationship secret. Hell, he couldn't even show how he felt. Sure, everyone was crying, everyone was shocked. But Chris just wanted to break down and sob into someone's arms. In Jeff's arms. His eyes burned as he tried to hold back the tears.

He sat in the silent locker room, his head in his hands. Every time the door opened he looked up, hoping that one of the McMahons might be bringing news. But each time it was futile. It was always another colleague. Another tear-stained face.

Then in his mind there was a voice. It wasn't his own. It was another. Weak. Soft. A gentle southern voice. Calling to him. Telling Chris that he needed him. Needing him. Come to me. I need you. The voice whispered to him, called to him.

He had to go. Jeff wanted him there. Needed him there. Chris knew he had to go. Silently, looking to no one for confirmation, he left the room. Within twenty minutes he was there.

Somehow, Chris found Jeff's room. He looked through the small window on the closed door. The scene was heart-breaking. Matt, terrified Matt, whose hazel eyes were almost swollen shut, was holding Jeff's hand, tenderly stroking his cheek.

Chris couldn't go in. He had no right to be there, it wasn't a time for him. He couldn't handle going in. His Jeffie was so pale, looked so fragile, his soft multi-coloured hair splayed over the white pillow, framing his innocent, beautiful face. Chris couldn't go in. He couldn't.

He sat outside the room, resting the back of his head against the cold, clinical whiteness of the hospital wall, trying to stem the tears that welled in his eyes. Then he heard the voice in his mind again. Please Chris. I need you. Please come to me. The soft, North Carolinian voice. Pleading, loving. Chris couldn't fight it any more.

Slowly he opened the door. Matt looked up in surprise, his swollen eyes questioning Chris' presence. Nervously Chris sat down next to Matt, looking at his lover. He'd never noticed how thin Jeff was, how pale. Until now.

"Any news?" Chris asked softly, not taking his eyes from the gorgeous young boy, praying deep in his heart.

The older Hardy shook his head, "the doctors say we just have to wait and see." He barely kept the tears out of his voice, struggling, then failing, dissolving into sobs and crying into Chris' caring arms. That voice was there in Chris' mind again. Saying, care for my big brother. Care for him until I'm strong enough to care for him myself again. Suddenly Chris had hope. Maybe Jeff would be OK. Maybe he would. Maybe Chris would get the chance to tell Jeff how much he loved him.

"Why are you here Chris?" Matt asked when he'd stopped sobbing. Chris' throat suddenly went dry. Could he break his lover's confidence? Confess all to the one who Jeff was so scared of hurting? He didn't have to. Matt knew.

"You love him, don't you?" Matt asked, looking into Chris' blue eyes. Nervously Chris nodded, hoping that Jeff would understand why he did this. "I knew that Jeff had found someone. He's been so much happier recently. I'm glad it's you. I'm glad you're here."

Chris just nodded. What could he say? Both men returned their gaze to the beautiful, vulnerable creature laid in the hospital bed, and sat in silence, willing the precious boy to awaken.

"Jeff tried to hide his relationship from me. He thought it would hurt me. I've tried so hard to protect him ever since our father rejected us. He blamed himself for that, even though it wasn't his fault. I just wanted him to be with someone who made him happy. And he has been happy recently. So I guess he found that someone. You." Matt hadn't taken his eyes off Jeff was he said those words that filled Chris' heart with joy. "Did... has he told you that he loves you?"

"This morning," Chris whispered brokenly, "he told me for the first time."

"He means it," Matt said with complete conviction. "He... I'm the only person he ever says that to. So if he told you it must be true."

Now Chris was having great trouble not crying. Oh little Jeffie. His heart tore apart.

"It's OK Chris," Matt let go of Jeff's hand and took Chris', "it's OK to cry."

"I can't," His voice was hoarse, "I just can't."

Matt let go of Chris' hand. "Go and sit round the other side of him. Then you can hold his hand too."

Silently Chris did as he was told, seating himself and taking his lover's small, delicate hand. He mused on Jeff's nail varnish, his gorgeous black nails. No one else could carry that look off quite like Jeff. He looked so vulnerable, but Chris knew he could be strong. Hell, the shit he'd had in his young life, he had to be. The first feeling that Jeff had always aroused in Chris was a feeling of protectiveness. Chris had just wanted to protect the boy from any more hurt. But he'd failed. He knew it was just an accident, but why did it have to happen to Jeff? Poor, sweet Jeffie. The protectiveness he'd felt towards Jeff had soon turned into love. A love that Chris had tried to show, but he felt that Jeff had never really understood the intensity of his feelings.

"I love you Jeff. Please don't leave me," Matt addressed his little brother tenderly, pleadingly, "Jeffie, you're all I have left. Please stay with me."

Chris heard that soft voice again, telling him that ... that he was weakening... that he was afraid... that he didn't want to be alone.

"Don't you die on me Jeffie," Chris almost screamed in fear, "you have to stay strong baby. We're right here. We're not gonna let you die Jeff."

Matt looked up at Chris; nervous, inquisitive at the outburst from his normally stoic friend.

"I can hear him... in my mind," The Canadian admitted, "he's talking to me. He... he told me to come here. He... he said that I had to look after you until he was strong enough to look after you himself again." Matt almost dissolved into tears. It was as if he instinctively believed that what Chris was saying was true. "Then... just then... he said he was weakening... that he was afraid... that he didn't want to be alone. So I had to tell him that we were here, and we weren't gonna let him leave us," Chris' tear-filled blue eyes met with Matt's hazel, then moved back to focus on Jeff's sculpted face again.

"Come on little brother. Please?" Matt was almost begging. Chris leaned over and squeezed his free hand, looking after the older Hardy just as Jeff had instructed him to. Matt returned the pressure.

My beautiful little Jeffie. Don't you give up. Chris gazed on his love, willing him to wake up. He just wanted to see those beautiful green eyes again. Those beautiful, expressive, sad, love-filled eyes. Those eyes that had looked up at him so longingly that morning, framed by long blond eyelashes that had struggled to withhold the tears. The tears that Chris had gently kissed away. He just wanted to look into those eyes and let Jeff know exactly how much he loved him. But he couldn't. maybe he never would. No. He couldn't think like that. I'm staying strong for you baby. I won't give up, he promised.

Don't give up on me. That soft voice returned. I can feel your strength. Don't give up on me. Don't give up. Don't let go. I'm getting stronger, but don't let go.

"He's getting stronger," Chris whispered, almost afraid to articulate that hope. Matt looked up and smiled through the tears. He believed Chris implicitly. "Just don't let go. Don't give up. We have to stay strong," Chris implored.

Chris continued to hold Jeff's hand, stroking his cheek tenderly, offering Jeff security, hope, love. Everything that Matt had tried to provide, had provided. Now Jeff had two people who loved and cared for him.

The voice came again. That beautiful, soft, angelic voice. It told Chris something that broke his heart. That southern voice whispered, if I don't make it through this, and I'm not saying that I won't, but if I don't, look after my Mattie for me. Promise you'll look after Mattie.

"I promise." Finally Chris couldn't control his tears any longer, and he sobbed bitterly into the bed covers, still not letting go of Jeff's hand. He looked up at Matt and knew exactly how he was feeling. The complete and utter desolation. Desperately, Chris clutched Jeff's hand to his cheek. It was cold, but Chris allowed his tears to warm the clammy yet soft skin.. He willed Jeff to wake up, to stick around, to know how much he was loved.

Then Jeff's hand moved. It began to stroke Chris' cheek, slowly. Chris hardly realised at first, then he squeezed Jeff's hand tight within his own, and looked up at Matt in joy. Matt smiled as he felt a pressure from Jeff's hand on his own.

Slowly those beautiful green eyes flickered open, slightly dazed at first, but then focussing on the two most important people in Jeff's life.

"Oh Jeffie," they both cried, letting unashamed tears make rivers down their cheeks. He was OK.

"I love you Jeff," Chris whispered, confident in the knowledge of his feelings. "I love you so much." Nervously Chris stared into those beautiful emerald eyes, hoping that Jeff had heard him, understood him, believed him. Slowly, there was a flicker of recognition. Those long blond eyelashes fluttered as a tear rolled from the corner of Jeff's eye, sliding over his temple. The pressure on Chris' hand from that small delicate hand told the Canadian that Jeff understood, that he felt the same.

"I love you too little brother," Matt brushed a few strands of hair from his brother's forehead tenderly, and Jeff squeezed his hand too. Chris could see in Jeff's eyes the love for his brother, the undivided adoration and devotion that was mutual between them.

Still they didn't let go. Throughout all of the doctors' tests, they didn't let go. Even over the next few hours, as Jeff was getting stronger, they still didn't let go. He was soon able to speak, and although the doctors couldn't believe it, even sit up and move somewhat.

When Jeff said "Thank you," they all knew what it was for. The unspoken, un-named bond that had formed between them. It was deeper than the passionate love of Jeff and Chris, and it was deeper than the brotherly love of Jeff and Matt. But it was something that they all recognised, felt. Deep inside of them.

"I didn't know if you'd come," Jeff told Chris carefully. Careful not to show any lack of faith. Because he did have faith in him, which was why he was unsure. He'd made Chris promise to keep their relationship a secret, and knew that Chris would have tried desperately to keep that promise.

"I wanted to. But I didn't know if you'd want me here. Then... I heard you calling me," Chris' honest, sea-blue eyes looked into Jeff's.

The younger boy smiled. "I needed you. I could feel that Matt was here, but I needed you too. I needed you to look after Matt. I needed your strength. I knew that if I didn't make it then someone had to look after Matt. Care for him like I did. I knew that you would do that for me."

The door opened and another, older, body entered the room. Jeff gripped Chris' and Matt's hands tight and fixed the figure with a harsh glare.

"Dad."

Matt looked at his brother in concern, then looked at his father. The father who'd disowned them. Who they hadn't seen in four years.

"Jeffrey. Matthew. I'm sorry." The figure spoke but made no attempt to move closer to the bed. "I'm sorry for everything."

Chris felt Jeff's hand tremble and tighten in his own. The youngest Hardy was drawing up his strength to speak. "Why now, Dad?"

The figure was visibly upset, but accepted the hostility. "I... I heard on the news... about what happened... and I realised that if I didn't come now, I might never have the opportunity to apologise for the many mistakes I made with you. I was faced with the prospect of never being able to tell you how much I love you, that I'm sorry for the things that I said, that I want to make it up with both of you before it's too late."

Jeff never removed that harsh stare from his father, "so do you accept that I'm gay?"

"I accept that it's a part of who you are," the figure moved nervously, "yes Jeff, I accept that."

"Then please accept my lover. This is Chris, the one I love," Jeff indicated to the Canadian tenderly.

The figure moved forward and held out his hand, which Chris took nervously, glancing at Jeff.

"Pleased to meet you Chris. I really am. I hope that your life with Jeff will be happier than the life he had with me," he seemed sincere, "I know I haven't been the greatest father in the world, but I hope you'll give me the chance to change that."

Matt looked at Jeff worriedly. He believed his father, but needed to make sure from his little brother.

"Dad," that soft southern voice that Chris loved. Calm and sure, "I can't tell you it's gonna be easy. I can't just pretend like everything's OK. But... I want it to work. Give me time, Dad, please?"

The figure nodded, "I understand." He took Matt's hand and squeezed it, then touched Jeff's cheek. Then, slowly, left the room.

A tear rolled down Jeff's cheek. "Finally," he whispered, "I have my brother, the one I love, and now my father has accepted me. Now my heart is complete."


End file.
